The Big 3-1

Yesterday I had an eye-opening experience. I looked at the calendar and realized that in exactly a month, I’d be turning 31. Now, the big 31 hasn’t exactly crept up on me or anything. 31 is actually somewhat of a “milestone” in the life of a single LDS adult. At your 31st birthday, you stop attending a Young single adult ward and start attending the family ward. What was eye-opening is realizing I have less than 30 days in the Langley Ward, and less than 30 days of being 30!
Now, I’ve never been the biggest fan of the ward, more than most of my attitude is my own fault. Sometimes in my most cynical moments, I think the ward is just full of BYU grads who are intent on getting married. Not all are, and not all went to the Y. I’ve met some great people, had great bishoprics and have had some good times, and part of my attitude is my fault, I’ve never really gone out of my way to meet people in the ward and attend the minimum of social functions. That being said, I think I’ll look at my 4 years in the ward well. I enjoyed serving in the ward, and have no regrets. I learned a lot while being out here, and I’m grateful for the experiences I’ve had.
When I was younger, I always thought those who were 31 and not married were either mal-adjusted, a little awkward, deviants, or all of the above. Needless to say, as I’ve gotten older in a Single Ward, my attitude and empathy for those who were “graduating” changed quite a bit. While I still secretly harbor thoughts that some are deviants, by and large the majority who have graduated from my ward the past couple of years are none of the above. Although we’re taught that marriage is the goal we all should achieve, I honestly think everyone does it in their own time, whether you’re my 23 year old cousin or a close friend in their late 30s who recently got married. I don’t think its as simple as treating yourself as a used car, and putting your best image out there.
Needless to say, I’ve liked being 30, but when I turned 30 I looked at the age of 31 with fear, almost as much fear that a dream of waking up to Dane Cook brings me. The past year has been a growing year for me. An unexpected answer to an earnest prayer set me in a bit of an emotional tail-spin for a good part of the summer, but that experience was for the best. All I can say is the Lord does answer prayers.
By and large, my 30th year has been a year of introspection, reflection, and I’ve had the motivation to get more organized, work on my self esteem, my confidence, and be more focused on becoming the person I know I can be. As someone who is about as “right-brained” as you’ll meet and still be functional, that’s a pretty hefty statement to make.
Honestly, between my fear of commitment and emotional ineptness, I probably would’ve made a horrible spouse to anyone. It’s true. I’m being brutally honest and probably giving too much information on the internet, but it’s true, so if you’re googling me you’ll know this about me. I also have a fear of triangles and horses lying down (oh wait, that's not me).
Now, I’m still not sure about the marriage thing in practice. In theory, I know it’s a good thing, but in practice, well, right now I think it’s the biggest commitment I’ll ever make and well, having to put up with one person for time and eternity still boggles my mind. But its about baby steps. Tiny, little ones, but that’s still progress, right?
I think that I’ll probably get married, that my grandmother’s and mother’s fears are more than likely unfounded, but whatever happens in my life, I know that most days I like me and the days I don’t, well I know that I can always pick myself up and try again; that the only person that’ll make me happy is myself and happiness is a simple choice no matter the circumstances. I love life, no matter the curve balls thrown. I love to learn, I love my hobbies and I even love helping out others. Now, working on the things I need to, I just take it a little at a time, but I’m here to tell you that 30 so far is a good year. A tough year, but a good year. I think I’m a better person now than I was a year ago, and that’s a pretty good assessment, I think. Anyway, when I turn 31 in a month minus one day, I’ll talk about the change, but for now, this is where I’m at.