Thursday, January 21, 2010

"You cant guess what I did last Sunday"

Juvenile Instructor has maybe the best "oh, honey we're polygamists now" letter I've ever read. Written in the late 19th Century (the time period wasn't clear) by a LDS Missionary (back when Missionaries had families at home) to his wife who was managing the farm back farm. Here's the letter. The response will be published later on JI.

My Darling Wife,
Last Saturday on returning from our conference in Ozumba I
found your letter of Mar. 31 here I was sorry to learn of your fathers illness
and the childrens [sic] colds…Bro. Snow is here attending to some land business
and sends regards to your father. Bro. Pratt also came to conference and both
expect to return with the company immagrants [sic] to the colony May 2.

You cant guess what I did last Sunday. Well. I married a Mexican woman.
Bro Snow, Bro Snow counseled me to do so when he was here before, and
showed me the advantage of taking my second wife here. I can hardly expect this
will be pleasant news to you but as I intend leaving her in the colony when I
return you will not quarrel with her Bro Snow has promised me a nice town lot
there for the work I have done here in behalf of the colony. He dictated the
ceremony. She is quite nice looking and evidently of a good disposition. I
haven’t her picture to send you though I presume you would not care to see it.
Under the circumstances I can hardly return home for 3 or 4 months and perhaps
even longer; but then this can hardly make you feel bad as I imagine your desire
to see me will greatly diminish after reading this. However what I have done was
for a pure sense of duty and I trust you will as faith full perform your part I
think I can count on you even under such circumstances. Hundreds of women have
passed through greater trials than this will be in fact it ought not to be at
all a trial to you, as perhaps you will never be brought in contact with her, at
least for a great many years. I hope you will tell me just how you feel about it
in your next. You did not seem to object to Bro. Snows advice last winter when
he gave it; and I hope you will not feel bad about the matter now.

Snow sends his best respects to you ['re father] and says he remembers him well
though he has not met him for a number of years. Among his most pleasant and
earliest acquaintances he counts your father, and hopes he will soon recover as
I told him he had been sick.

In your former letter you asked me about my
taking the Jersey calf of mother. I don’t think I can though I would like to
very much and I expect she has sold it before now. I cannot take care of it
until I get home…

I bought me a fine set of drawing instruments to day
for $2.25 to make a map of the colony to be approved by the government I don’t
know when other missionaries will arrive so cant say when I will be released.
Bro. Snow told me today I could go just as soon as I can be spared. He is a very
reasonable and kind hearted man. In reading my letter over I see I omitted to
give you the name of the happy bride. Her maiden name was Macayla Vega—it is now
Perez. I expect to marry two more next week.

With much love to my
darling wife and boys I remain as ever

Your affectionate husband


Steve said...

Awesome! Why didn't I think of that, just write a letter! haha.

Brenda said...

Gosh, I love the part about the new wife being an attractive lady. Gosh, that's like salt in the wound, yes?

Sherpa said...

Seriously. One of my favorite parts is when he reminds her that other women have gone through worse trials.

NoSurfGirl said...

Holy crap.
That is the most slimy, passive-aggressive, manipulative letter I've ever read. I know it's supposed to be funny (you posted it for that purpose) but dang! I'm feeling some red-hot anger here...